Despair

"It is a curious thing, but as one travels the world getting older and older, it appears that happiness is easier to get used to than despair. The second time you have a root beer float, for instance, your happiness at sipping the delicious concoction may not be quite as enormous as when you first had a root beer float, and the twelfth time your happiness may be still less enormous, until root beer flats begin to offer you very little happiness at all, because you have become so used to the taste of vanilla ice cream and root beer mixed together. However, the second time you find a thumbtack in your root beer float, your despair is much greater than the first time, when you dismissed the thumbtack as a freak accident rather than part of the scheme of a soda jerk, a phrase which here means "ice cream shop employee who is trying to injure your tongue," and by the twelfth time you find a thumbtack, your despair is even greater still, until you can hardly utter the phrase "root beer float" without bursting into tears. It is almost as if happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is something surprising each time you encounter it." - Lemony Snicket

"My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes." - L.M. Montgomery

"The prince is never going to come. Everyone knows that; and maybe sleeping beauty's dead." - Anne Rice

"I wish I could tell you how lonely I am. How cold and harsh it is here. Everywhere there is conflict and unkindness. I think God has forsaken this place. I believe I have seen hell[...]" - Elizabeth Gaskell

"There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don't yearn to reach out, but because they've tried and found no one who cares." 

- Richelle E. Goodrich

"She wondered that hope was so much harder than despair." - Patricia Briggs

"The pain is part of being human... The fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength." 

- Dumbledore

Hold Fast To What You DO Know

Today I am grateful for the faith I've already won. I am grateful for the truths I hold dear. I know what I know and I can't deny it. With that said, I also know that there is a lot I don't know, I am confused by what I don't know, but I am not ruled by my lack of knowledge. What I do know will always outweigh what I don't know.

I know that God wants each and every one of us to succeed gloriously. I know that He has a plan for us. I know that God values families and because of that families are eternal. I know that Jesus Christ is God's son, and He atoned for our sins. I know that Christ knows our exact feelings. He understands our circumstances. He never leaves us alone. He is always there to help. I know that the temple is a holy place where we can feel peace and comfort. I know that there are prophets, seers, and revelators that are called of God. I know that scriptures bring light and knowledge. I know that we can, personally, communicate with God and that He communicates with us. But the most important knowledge that I have is that no matter where you have been, where you are going, whether you believe in Him or not, God loves YOU! 

An Attitude of Gratitude

"[...L]ive in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you." Alma 34:38

In an effort to improve my happiness, my outlook on life, and my attitude, I've decided that I need to share things that I am genuinely grateful for as often as possible throughout the month of November. Yes, I am doing this to lead up to Thanksgiving. Yes, that is an EXTREMELY cliche thing to do, but I need it.

I am grateful for my family. We are not perfect. We don't always get along, but I know I can always turn to them. ALWAYS. They support me in every decision I make. They are there to lift me up when I need it.

I am grateful for modern technology-specifically cell phones. I know this can be a necessary evil, but today I choose not to look at it that way. How amazing is it that we can call for help, communicate with a loved one, or find needed information from almost anywhere? 

I am grateful for the small tender mercies of the Lord. Things in my life are never perfect. They never go the way I plan. Nevertheless, the small blessings in my life prove to me that the Lord is aware of me. He loves me. He watches out for me. He is in the details of my life. He allows certain things to happen in my life so that I may learn and grow from them. I am grateful for His love.

"Love is the very essence of the gospel, and Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. His life was a legacy of love" -President Thomas S. Monson

At the last LDS general conference, Elder Oaks gave a talk that has resonated with me. When it was given, all I could think was "Yes! Our church needs to hear this!" This is something that I have struggled with, but something that I have always wanted to perfect. To me, this is one of my biggest struggles between my natural man and my spirit. It is the commandment to love one another as Christ loves us. 

In my life I have been blessed to feel the love that my Father in Heaven has for me. I know that He loves me. I have also been blessed to feel some of the love that He has for many of His children. I have felt His love for people that are easy for me to love, and I have felt His love for people that are not so easy for me to love, but His love is the same for all. I think this is important to recognize before I dive into Elder Oaks' talk: that everyone is loved by God.

Something that I have noticed throughout my life is that the world's standards are deteriorating. In my opinion, the world is a scary place to live, but God asks us to live here. He doesn't tell us to conform to the way of the world, but He asks that we lift where we stand. Elder Oaks says: "We are to live in the world, but not of the world. We must live in the world because, as Jesus taught in a parable, His kingdom is "like levan," whose function is to raise the whole mass by its influence." Just as yeast cannot raise dough without being in the mixture, we cannot raise the world if we don't associate with people who have different beliefs than us.

Elder Oaks shares one of my favorite stories of Christ: "...His adversaries confronted Him with the woman who had been 'taken in adultery, in the very act'. When shamed by their own hypocrisy, the accusers withdrew and left Jesus alone with the woman. He treated her with kindness by declining to condemn her at that time, but He also firmly directed her to 'sin no more.'" In order to lift those around us, we must stay firm in our beliefs, but live in example of the pure love of Christ. As we stay fixed to the truth that we know, and love those around us, we allow the Savior to show His love for us and those we associate with.

I am nowhere close to being perfect in this aspect of the gospel, but it has always bothered me when I see family members shunning or "disowning" another family member because they have different beliefs or have chosen to live a different lifestyle. I get tired of people who say that they are followers of Christ, but they bully those around them or unrighteously judge another person because they believe in different practices. True followers of Christ love ALL. The Lord didn't command us to love everyone, unless they're different. We weren't commanded to love only followers of Christ. We were commanded to love one another, including our enemies, as Christ loves us. Yes, there are times where we need to "be wise in...exercising our influence" with others, but that doesn't mean that we can't love that person.

We are meant to have charity, which is the pure love of Christ. The only way we can obtain this virtue is by allowing the Savior into our lives. He is the source of peace and love. Through Him we can see our own potential and the potential and goodness of all we come in contact with.

I challenge us all to be a little kinder to one another. Judge less, love more.

.

Goals

As 2014 has come to an end, and 2015 has now begun, I've thought a lot about what I should do to improve my life over the next year. On New Year's Eve, I decided not to make any resolutions. My reasoning: I, like most people, set goals that last a week and then taper off. I've literally had the same (more or less) new year's resolutions for the past five years. I thought not making them, but just have little goals here and there, when I decide to make them, would be best. That was until I was sitting in sacrament meeting today. Our stake president started talking about goals. I honestly have no idea what he said, but I came home feeling like I needed to make a list of things that I want to accomplish this year. I know I've shared goals on here in the past (and it hasn't seemed to work), but if I know that my goals are out here for everyone to read, I feel more accountable to them.

I am not going to list all of my goals, but I have one in particular that I feel might help me improve myself, and this blog (or at least get me writing). My goal is to study the gospel more fully. I need to improve in this. I love the scriptures, and I love the prophets. I love their words and the comfort and spirit that is brought because of them. I do not take advantage of them as I should. Here's where this blog and accountability come into play. As I read and study a topic, a book of scripture, a lesson, etc. I will write my thoughts and feelings in a blog post. I would love to do this weekly, but working full-time and being a full-time student, I feel that a blog post once a week will not be realistic. So, I will post some thoughts from my studies monthly. *DISCLAIMER: I am not out for arguing and debating, I am stating what I feel and what I know to be right, I respect your beliefs, please respect mine.* 

I hope that as the New Year rolls around for you that you may set goals that improve yourself and the world around you. Don't get discouraged if you mess up or feel unaccomplished, Just remember that great things come by small processes. Be a little better today than you were yesterday and a little better tomorrow than you were today.

Trust In The Lord

There are times in everyone's lives where you have to take a step into the dark, and frankly, I'm terrified of what's in the darkness. Right now my path in life has forked. I know the path I should take, but it leads to the darkness, and I'm terrified. I will move forward wanting to kick and scream: "Really?!? I had a plan! I know what I want! I know what's best for me!" But that would be a lie. I think I know what's best for me, but, in reality, I don't. 

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he will direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6 

"And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that ^afaith is things which are hoped for and ^cnot seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no ^dwitness until after the ^etrial of your faith. For if there be no ^afaith among the children of men God can do no ^bmiracle among them; wherefore, he showed not himself until after their faith." Ether 12: 6, 12

In my trial of faith, I know that I need to trust the Lord. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I know that He knows me. He loves me, and He has a plan for me. 

The To Do List

I have started to write this post about five times now. I would just not post this week, however (if you look back at the dates of all my posts) if I don't post today, you won't hear from me for at least a year. So, I'm just going for it.

An overall theme that I have noticed (as I'm sure all of you have noticed as well) is that I am busy. I used to be the type of person that would LOVE to brag about how busy I am, and that I'm filling up all my time with "SUPER important" things. I'm starting to learn that I don't like it. I mean, I love having my schedule filled, and I love being occupied, but I think that I am starting to see it's negative affects in my life.

Sunday was ward conference for my ward. We were lucky enough to have our Stake Relief Society Presidency come and teach us. We discussed what it meant to be a Woman of Christ. We shared some examples in the scriptures, and eventually ended up in Luke 10:40-41, which reads, "40. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. 41. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha thou art careful and troubled about many things:" Our discussion started to move towards priorities and being busy. Someone pointed out that Martha didn't necessarily do anything wrong in these verses. In fact, she did what most people today would do. She had a list of things to get done. She had deadlines, in a sense. She was trying to get those things done, and she looks over to see her sister sitting and talking instead of helping. 

I know you're thinking, "Seriously? Mary was talking to the Savior. I would sit and join her. That means I'm not like Martha." I agree. I would like to think that if I physically welcomed the Savior into my home, I would join, sit at his feet and listen to his words. The Savior is important, right? But, in this day and age, so are our "To Do" Lists. They are SO important that we wish for more hours in the day to work on them. We are racing around all day, every day to get these things done. I know they are important things, and I am 100% guilty of this as well.

We were discussing these things and someone brought up the fact that we do, but don't FEEL when it comes to the things we have to do. This statement got me thinking about how many times I talk to people just to receive information from them about their responsibilities, but I don't talk to them to feel anything for them, if that makes sense. I mean, I ask: "How are you?" and I listen to their response, but it's become such a habit that I don't take the time to get to know them. I don't stop to really listen, to really care. As I continued to think about this and Martha, the scripture Matthew 25:40 came to mind. "...Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Ultimately, how we treat those around us is how we would treat the Savior if he were here. 

With this in mind, I ask you to evaluate yourself. How many times have you blown off a person to race to another to do item? How many times have you checked your watch when you are talking to someone because you have things you have to get done? I don't mean to make anyone feel guilty. I know that there are things on everyone's to do lists that absolutely have to get done. I just think we need to enjoy those things a little more. We need to get to know the people around us and realize that they won't always be there. We need to show them that people are more important than our lists. 

Just the thoughts of Kat. :)